Letter to the Ex…(I am sure most of you can relate)
DBD (Dead Beat Dad), (Names have been removed to protect the innocent & the guilty)
Obviously we still can’t communicate. That is too bad.
Pertaining to my offer of bringing our son to you in CA, I have decided it is NOT in his best interest at this time. I feel that it would be devastating for him to meet you and then not have you commit to follow up visitation. I’ve asked you several times what your intentions are for follow up and you gave me several excuses why you wouldn’t be able to make that commitment. I never heard you say that you will make a conscious effort to travel here to visit him. As you are aware, I am not in a position to travel to CA every time he wants to see you. Nor do I want to.
You had two and a half years to visit your son while we were still in California and you didn’t. Your reasons are unacceptable. There is absolutely no reason why you couldn’t take a half hour out of any of the 903 days we were there for you to come and meet your son. As a matter of fact, the last time you saw your son was in the supermarket, you were with your girlfriend. You saw us shopping and turned around and ran out of the store.
I have been the only one taking responsibility for Lincoln. I am the only one he knows. I have provided a home for him, a safe environment and loving care since day ONE. I took him to the hospital and paid the bill when he had 106 degree fever. I am the one who was forced to abandon my business after 8 years to take care of our son, because you abandoned us.
As far as you and I, until we can discuss your commitment and your involvement in our son’s life, we have nothing more to say. We obviously have not healed from our wounds. We find it very hard to communicate at all, we just yell. When you can have an adult conversation with me about our son, I am ready to talk. Until then…
And just so you know… I don’t KNOW you! What I do know of you is that you and I got into a fight one night when I was super hormonal and you came home at 3am and I asked you where the FUCK you’ve been. You woke up the next morning and went down to the bank took me off all the accounts and left me with $36 in my pocket. Then you alienated me from yourself and everyone in your family. Then, you sat down in our bedroom and told me “We need a break”. After that you stopped all communication with me. Even a “hello”. Then I was forced to leave our home, it became overwhelmingly stressful, with you running around with your girlfriend. Throwing your new love in my face as I sit in absolute discomfort waiting for our baby to enter the planet.
I remember a time when you came to the studio, as I was working there with you. You grabbed two surf boards and left. You gave me the dirtiest look, like “I’m taking someone special surfing”. I on the other hand was caring our 9 lb 2 oz huge child in my womb and could barely walk.
And I can go on and on and on and on…. Not to mention that 1 month after your son was born, you decided to take a four month vacation to South Africa with your girlfriend. And don’t give me that bullshit that you didn’t have fun… Because I saw pictures of you and her island hopping in a private plane. While I was forced to use all of my savings to rent a cottage for our newborn baby. With no help from you and no help from my family who by the way live 3000 miles away. (which you knew) The measly $700 month you gave us at that time barely paid for the formula and diapers. You didn’t give a fuck, but the formula alone costs $400/month. The diapers another $300/month. Oh, lookie there… $700. And nothing more to pay rent, car, utilities, food, gas, etc. the necessities. But in your mind you think it was a good thing that you “gave us money”! Oh, wait you were renting out your houses and island hopping in South Africa… what was I thinking??? Silly me. that was a “necessity” as you claim. Sort of like the nessessities we needed? Yeah, your right.
So, unless you’ve known what it feels like to wake up with your heart racing out of pure ANXIETY for fear of being thrown out on the street with your baby. I don’t deserve to be yelled at EVER!!! You should be kissing my ass right now and praising me for such a great job I’ve been doing with your son and that you’ll make some type of commitment to your son. …You remember….the one you asked me to have with you.
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