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Assorted The Ex Factor

SuperMan Mom…

April 25, 2011 – 11:13 am

Hi SuperMan Moms,

So, my little guy says to me the other day: Mom: …. You’re a SuperMan Mom. So, now I consider all of you, my readers… SuperMan Mom’s…

Ok, it’s been a while since i’ve written. By the way, I’ve been slammed with an obscene amount of SPAM!!! This is really frustrating because i want to approve the comments from real people with real comments to make. So, I want to appologize if you have sent a real comment and i didn’t approve it, it’s because i probably can’t find it.

I’ve been busy. New boyfriend, my son, work, dishes, laundry, cleaning the floors, making the beds, packing lunches, shopping, do I need to go on and on? My one saving grace is that my son is finally FULLY potty trained. My God, that took a lifetime to get through. Not to mention years of changing diapers and wiping poop off his tush. I hated changing diapers, but i hated messes even more. Take a guess on how many articles i read about potty training? About 1000. Yes, i tried and tried, but nothing worked. Finally on February 1, 2011 my son just decided to use the potty all by himself. He never went back. So, I hate to break it to you Mom’s; YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS. Yes, you can convince yourself that if you’re little ones potty train early that they are really potty trained. NO, they are not. I know this because Mom’s love to brag about how advanced their little tikes are. This is bullshit ladies. What i realized is that, they are still cleaning up messes all over the couch, carpet, car, car-seat and even outdoors. So, please Mom’s…we have a hard enough job being single as it is… don’t make it harder. XOXOXOXO

Ok, back to my AWESOME GET AWAY!!! This is really what i wanted to talk about….

I just got back from VEGAS with my new boyfriend. Yes, I am calling him my boyfriend. It’s been a LONG time since i’ve been able to wholeheartedly call someone my BOYFRIEND. Let’s see, my son’s (D.B.D) was the last guy I dated. But, what’s interesting is that he never asked me to be his girlfriend. We just hooked up and then got prego, then got engaged. Then some type of cosmic eruption happened and he lost his mind. This is better for us anyway… (tell you later about that) So, my new (hot) boyfriend and i went to VEGAS for his birthday. We stayed at the Hard Rock…PARTY!!! OMG. My boyfriend and i are a bit older parents. I’m 42, he’s 50. But we still look hot!!! Smokin’ actually. But this is funny, because the Hard Rock is filled with 20-30 somethings. Drunk, Dancing and a lot of eye candy. Ladies, this is good on the soul. If you’re an older single Mom like myself, you tend to forget what it was like being young and single. Not here… it’s dancing right in front of your face. :-)

Hot Hard Rock, Las Vegas

We live in the frozen tundra of the Pacific Northwest. So, we needed a place we could go to that was close enough for a short plane ride, and warm enough for some SUN!!! It had been gray here for at least 4 months. With little sunshine and warmer weather. So, off to Vegas we go.

We both have young children. My little guy is 3, his kids are 6 and 11. And we’re both single parents…obviously…But, his ex lives in our very small town and she’s vital to his free time. Unlike, myself who has full custody and 100% time dedicated to raising my son. There are times, when I think…Yeah, it would be nice if his father could step up to the plate and lend a hand. Then I start to think of all the drama and shenanigans he gets himself into and then I think.. Thank God that he’s not involved. Which is the exact reason we moved to a small town of like-minded people in the frozen tundra, to create a community and network of good people we can lean on for support.

We have been drooling about spending time together without little one’s running around. Finally, the day is here. We get on the plane…start drinking immediately. Get to the hotel and get naked, Immediately!!! How fun ladies. There is nothing like being with a man that you feel comfortable with and are totally attracted to and want to pleasure just as much as he wants to pleasure you. I mean ME… There is nothing wrong about hot sex!! But, I have to say, that it took me 4 years to get to this place. I want to talk about “this place”. Please read on… What? you thought I was going to give away all my Shag-A-Thon secrets… Not this time… Sorry…   :-)

This Place:

This place of recognizing my dangerous patterns, and becoming aware of who I am. More importantly, accepting who I am and how I got here, to this day. I look at it like this: I hadn’t dated or even had sex for many years. I was not in a place for a relationship. When my son’s father threw me out on the street when I was 7 months pregnant, then proceeded to go on a 4 month vacation with his 26 year old girlfriend, one month after my son was born. I had my own business which required an enormous amount of time and money that I had to abandon. I had hit rock bottom..That’s right. I should have been heavily medicated at that time, but wasn’t so I went through all the pain. Feeling everything there was to feel. In hindsight, it was the best way for me to release all the pain I had felt my whole life. My son saved my life.

Looking back now, I still have a lot of work to do but I am calmer and a bit wiser than I was before. Now, when I see red flags.. I run!!! There is no need to stick around to see what’s going to happen. I know what’s going to happen. I feel confident that I know what’s going to happen. Because, I have had it happen hundreds of times and ignored it. It all came to a head…then EXPLODED in front of my eyes. This time, it’s not just me to be concerned with. I have a huge responsibility that is living and breathing and under my care 24-7. My son makes me question my previous behavioral patterns and makes me want to be a better person. He reminds me everyday that I deserve a better man in my life than his father would ever be. He reminds me of how selfish I was before he showed up. He reminds me that there is a God and to have faith in the universe. With a little help from my reverend… I also started engaging my relationship with God. I didn’t really knew I had one. Then one day, the light switch went off and sure enough. There it was. The universe was taking care of us. It truly was a miracle.

Time to go ladies, but I hope you enjoyed this brief snippet of my life… Stay tuned… Same Bat Channel, Same Bat Time… SuperMan Mom will share some more goodies about being a SuperMan Mom.

Love and the art of acceptance… Staci XOXOXOXO

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Assorted

Spam Alert

April 8, 2011 – 9:01 am

When i started this blog i didn’t anticipate having to read through 250 spam comments. UGGG!!! Everyone from porn to plumbing have tried to comment on my site. What is a girl to do? It will take me days to go through all the comments to figure out which ones are real comments and which ones are spam.

There’s been a lot going on here!!! Can’t wait to share. Check back soon, I will tell you about my work, love and toddler life soon!!!

Missing you

xoxoxoxoxo

Comment (0)
Assorted The Ex Factor

Letter to the Ex…(I am sure most of you can relate)

January 19, 2011 – 6:21 pm
I think I will tear my hair out

I want to stomp my feet thru the floor

DBD (Dead Beat Dad), (Names have been removed to protect the innocent & the guilty)

Obviously we still can’t communicate. That is too bad.

Pertaining to my offer of bringing our son to you in CA, I have decided it is NOT in his best interest at this time. I feel that it would be devastating for him to meet you and then not have you commit to follow up visitation. I’ve asked you several times what your intentions are for follow up and you gave me several excuses why you wouldn’t be able to make that commitment. I never heard you say that you will make a conscious effort to travel here to visit him. As you are aware, I am not in a position to travel to CA every time he wants to see you. Nor do I want to.

You had two and a half years to visit your son while we were still in California and you didn’t. Your reasons are unacceptable. There is absolutely no reason why you couldn’t take a half hour out of any of the 903 days we were there for you to come and meet your son. As a matter of fact, the last time you saw your son was in the supermarket, you were with your girlfriend. You saw us shopping and turned around and ran out of the store.

I have been the only one taking responsibility for Lincoln. I am the only one he knows. I have provided a home for him, a safe environment and loving care since day ONE. I took him to the hospital and paid the bill when he had 106 degree fever. I am the one who was forced to abandon my business after 8 years to take care of our son, because you abandoned us.

As far as you and I, until we can discuss your commitment and your involvement in our son’s life, we have nothing more to say. We obviously have not healed from our wounds. We find it very hard to communicate at all, we just yell. When you can have an adult conversation with me about our son, I am ready to talk. Until then…

And just so you know… I don’t KNOW you! What I do know of you is that you and I got into a fight one night when I was super hormonal and you came home at 3am and I asked you where the FUCK you’ve been. You woke up the next morning and went down to the bank took me off all the accounts and left me with $36 in my pocket. Then you alienated me from yourself and everyone in your family. Then, you sat down in our bedroom and told me “We need a break”. After that you stopped all communication with me. Even a “hello”. Then I was forced to leave our home, it became overwhelmingly stressful, with you running around with your girlfriend. Throwing your new love in my face as I sit in absolute discomfort waiting for our baby to enter the planet.

I remember a time when you came to the studio, as I was working there with you. You grabbed two surf boards and left. You gave me the dirtiest look, like “I’m taking someone special surfing”. I on the other hand was caring our 9 lb 2 oz huge child in my womb and could barely walk.
And I can go on and on and on and on…. Not to mention that 1 month after your son was born, you decided to take a four month vacation to South Africa with your girlfriend. And don’t give me that bullshit that you didn’t have fun… Because I saw pictures of you and her island hopping in a private plane. While I was forced to use all of my savings to rent a cottage for our newborn baby. With no help from you and no help from my family who by the way live 3000 miles away. (which you knew) The measly $700 month you gave us at that time barely paid for the formula and diapers. You didn’t give a fuck, but the formula alone costs $400/month. The diapers another $300/month. Oh, lookie there… $700. And nothing more to pay rent, car, utilities, food, gas, etc. the necessities. But in your mind you think it was a good thing that you “gave us money”! Oh, wait you were renting out your houses and island hopping in South Africa… what was I thinking??? Silly me. that was a “necessity” as you claim. Sort of like the nessessities we needed? Yeah, your right.

So, unless you’ve known what it feels like to wake up with your heart racing out of pure ANXIETY for fear of being thrown out on the street with your baby. I don’t deserve to be yelled at EVER!!! You should be kissing my ass right now and praising me for such a great job I’ve been doing with your son and that you’ll make some type of commitment to your son. …You remember….the one you asked me to have with you.

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The Ex Factor

tennis anyone?

January 14, 2011 – 12:48 am

I haven’t got the nerve to tell my 3yr old sweet angel he is going to see his Daddy.

I’m planning a trip with my boyfriend. I really need a week away!!! I haven’t celebrated my birthday in 3 years. I didn’t even celebrate my 40th birthday. I mean, not really. I didn’t get to relax and not be concerned about the sitter. I don’t have family around to watch him. Even if they were, they are incapable of doing it. So, I have to rely on my community of friends. It takes a village…

Now, I came up with the plan to bring my son to my ex’s house, then continue on to our vacation. Upon return, pick up my angel and bring him back home.

Everyday, he talks about his Dad as if he’s met him and fantasizes about what kind of car he has or where he lives, or how many motorcycles he owns.

My first thought was, it’ll be good for him to meet his Dad. He’ll at least begin building a relationship with him. This is the logical / hard shell of me that has helped to keep us alive. Then, whamm…. it hits me, and I think I may be making a mistake. If Dad falls in love with his son, which he will… I stand the chance of having him do what he did to me, to my son. Abandon him…

It feels like, I’m sitting on the fence at the tennis courts looking over at each side. Trying to determine which side to climb down.

I might add, I am making it too easy for him to meet his son. I think he should work for it. or….

Tell me what you think?

Sweet Dreams…Peace

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Assorted

The TRUTH about MLM’s

January 4, 2011 – 4:03 pm

Okay Mom’s let’s talk about MLM’s (Multi-Level Marketing). I am sure as a single mom you get hit up on a regular basis to participate in these ventures. I want to talk a bit about the reality and engagement for some of them out there.
Like me, I am sure some of your friends and family members have talked to you about the new “money maker” in their lives. I’ve investigated a bunch of them myself and here’s what I have to interject:
MLM’s can make you money. Now, i know… you’re thinking “Ugg, I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work”. I’m going to share with you the MLM’s I have participated in and my experience.

Pre-Paid Legal Services -

This seamed like a really great opportunity for me. I mean the concept is remarkable. You as a member get free Legal Services and advise. I actually signed a few people up and used the service myself on several occasions. I even signed up my parents and they used it for their benefit on small legal issues.

Okay, the downside… It takes an ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF TIME. And don’t let anyone tell you differently… this is the reality of ALL MLM’s. It also takes a bit of money to get started.

So, honestly as a Single Mom, how on earth can I participate in an MLM without taking up all my time? When I was doing Pre-Paid Legal I was a Single 30 something WITHOUT CHILD. So how on earth am I supposed to do it now?

Arbone International-

Arbone makes probably the BEST skin care in the world. I can honestly say this because I would get compliments on a daily basis. A friend of mine signed me up just after giving birth. I haven’t really shared my after-birth experience with you yet, but let me just say…HORRIFIC!!! That story is for later. I had EXTREME POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. I could barely get out of bed. And as a new SINGLE MOM, that was really hard.

My friend thought it would be great for me to “get out there” and sell beauty products…RIGHT…

I think, had I been in a better mindset, it may have been very profitable for me. And again, this took an enormous amount of time and energy, which I didn’t have any of. I guess, my advise would be…Don’t engage in any type of high energy sales-MLM-face to face networking thing unless you are emotionally stable. People will see right through you.

Here I am now, in Northern Idaho and a good friend of mine turned me onto a new MLM. However, this time I am in a better emotional space and this is the most important part…I am at the top of the food chain. This new MLM is just that…NEW. It hasn’t even launched yet. It’s a membership based MLM with tons of benefits. The best part is the compensation plan. My friend Jeff Breakey is a career MLM specialist. He is one of the forefront advisors for MLM’s. There are very few of these guys on the planet. And Jeff just happens to be a close friend.

So, I here is the links to the company. It’s called Q-Save. Maybe you are in a place like me, where you have some time and some money to invest in a residual future for yourself and your family.

Q-SAVE. Please call me if you are interested in signing up or if you have any questions. Staci 208-255-2029

I’ll let you know how it goes for me with a follow up.

If you really want to get a sneak peak into the Opportunity for Prosperity; then join us on a conference call today January 5, 2011 @ 5pm PST. Adjust for your time zone. Here’s the call in information:

CALL 605-475-4360

pin 11480#

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Cars

Owner or Stoner

November 30, 2010 – 2:13 pm

FREE GIVEAWAY @ BOTTOM OF POST

Today is the day I received the Title to my “old” new car. Yes, Mom’s I bought a 1994 Subaru Loyale “Royale”. This is the first car I’ve ever owned the title to. All my other cars have been new and never paid off. There’s something to be said about owning a car that doesn’t have a huge car payment attached every month. I paid $1200 and it’s worth every bit. Now that we live in the frozen tundra of Northern Idaho, we needed a 4Wheel drive or All wheel drive car. I wanted something inexpensive with low miles. This beaute has 118,000 miles on it. That’s really good for the year and make of this car.

Some advise when thinking about purchasing a used car. 1) Always check CarFax.  2) Make sure the car was owned by a GrandMa. 3) Check www.nada.com for the real value of the car. 4) Read the reviews for the car you want to purchase. I know this takes a lot of time out of your day, but it’s worth it. Do it at night when your little angels are asleep. Also, keep in mind the cost of tax. Here in Idaho it’s 6% sales tax. Check your state to find out what that is. Also, keep in mind there are fees for transfer of registration and $5.00 processing fee for registration. These are all costs that can be tacked onto the cost of the car. Of course, don’t tell the seller. You just want to keep this in the back of your mind when you’re negotiation. Oh, and the most important thing…if you’ve got an angel between the ages of 2-5 try to find a sitter when you go to purchase or negotiate. Having our angels around is great but not when we’re talkin’ money. My little guy decided to cry and whine the entire time. I wished I had left him at home with a friend. Be an OWNER not a STONER. :-)

Here’s one review I found for the Snow Master…1994 “Royale” Loyale: Tougher than the little engine that could, and would last forever if maintained properly.

1994 Subaru 5 Door Loyale "Royale"

The Snow Master of the North.

FREE GIVAWAY!!!

Since I won’t be needing the other 3 CarFax Reports (which I already paid for). I am giving them away for FREE!!!! To the first 3 people who write a nice comment about this blog and sign up for my Newsletter. Newsletter to come later. Oh, and you have to be a SINGLE MOM!!!! No cheaters…you have to prove you are a Single Mom.

xoxoxox

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Assorted

Poop… to do or doodoo.

November 17, 2010 – 11:26 am

We just started a new school and my angel is having a hard time with poop in the potty. He just turned 3. He loves looking at his giant, stinky poop. However, he’s just not ready to feel it comin’ and tell someone.
I caught him the other day in “just in time” thought and put him on the potty and there it went… in the potty!! Yay! I was so excited I baked cupcakes and had a “Poopy Potty Party” it was a huge success. He was so excited and proud that he went in the potty.
Then…. the novelty wore off.
We love the new school, but they are not equip to change diapers. They are a school, not a daycare. They are being super patient with him, however they need me to be “on poop call” during school hours.
This is fine…we live a few blocks away…
But…
What happens when it’s a time where I’m in a meeting? Or in another city on biz? Or… you get my drift…
This made me think about how having a support system in place is critical to single motherhood. I thought “well, this would be a great time to have a husband” since I don’t how can I deal with this? I decided to ask friends if they would step up and be on call in case of an emergency.
I will let you know how it goes… I haven’t asked yet.

Ok, so I did ask and guess what? All my friends I asked said YES. I gave the teacher’s their phone numbers in case I can’t make it. The director at school was so pleased to hear that our friends in our small town would step up to the plate and sacrafice their day to be on “poopy doodoo call”. Just goes to show you that when life gives you lemons, you can make lemonaide. :-) Think out of the BOX… it’s safe…

I wanted to thank you all for the wonderful comments and I am so happy to see you reading and following.

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Cars

Oh me, Oh my…cars, cars, cars

November 16, 2010 – 12:04 pm

I sold my non-snow SoCal car about two months ago. I was stoked because the payments were too high and the car was valued higher than the loan (amazing) and it’s not a SNOW car.
Now that we live in the Northern Tundra, we need a car to accommodate 5ft. of snow. Plus we want to have fun on the mountain.
So, I’ve been looking for about 3 months. First, I found a Kia Sorrento. 2003 with 107Kmi. on it and the Title was rebuilt. Hmmm. What exactly does that mean?
First piece of advise I will give you today is: DO NOT buy a car without doing a CarFax Report!!!! If you go to your auto insurance provider I bet they will have a discount for CarFax. So, for $22.00 (25% discount) I got the lowdown on the car. It had 15 records and not only was the car Rebuilt; it was TOTALED by the insurance co. Well, I did a bunch of research and found out what this really meant. According to my resources in SoCal, this is what he said.
“Ya I would not buy the car with a bad title. The rebuilt title means that the car was in a bad wreck and the entire car has been rebuilt or that it has just been rebuilt in general. I have been doing this for over 12 years and I do not sell crap cars like that I I would never suggest buying a car like that no matter how good of a deal it is. Just keep in mind that the car has been completely pulled apart and put back together and you don’t know if a trained technician was the person who put it back together. Also when looking for cars stay away from Salvage title, Frame damage or accident cars. The sellers will tell you that it was a minor accident and that just the bumper or door was dented. A salvage title vehicle is where the vehicle usually incurs over 70% damage and it will cost more to fix the car than to replace it, so the insurance company pays the customer and sells the car to a junk yard.
Basically the main reason you want to stay away from these vehicles is because once a car has been apart it may have not been put back together properly. That means air bags could not deploy correctly or the brakes could not work properly and this would be risking your life or injury.”
So Mom’s if you think you’re getting a steal… you probably are. For the safety of you and your little one’s don’t do it.

Our SoCal car... now gone

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Cars

The Title to your Car

September 29, 2010 – 5:59 pm

Better to have the Title than not. Okay, maybe I’m alone on this one, maybe not… I’ve never seen a title to any of my cars. Ever! The first 3 cars, my Dad helped me buy. After we purchased, he would hold onto the title and hide it from me, because frankly, I didn’t need to have it on my person. Then all the cars after that, really after College were financed. This meant that the bank would hold onto the title of my car until the note was paid off. (I’m eating M&M’s right now)

I have owned 4 cars since my college days and now I am preparing to sell my car. The bank has the title… will I ever see the title to a car? I guess if I purchase a used car and don’t finance it. Pay cash… what a concept.

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Assorted

Social MOM, take your mask OFF.

September 29, 2010 – 9:28 am
Argument

Social Mom, take your mask off.

I just realized that there is a possibility that we live amongst a society of people that have a completely different persona with their children outside the home than they do inside the home. Okay, here’s my observation…
I am participate in a daily “wake up call” with Leslie. You will hear more about her later. For now I will refer to her as the “psychological natzie” she dissects the brain and behavior from the slightest slight and reminds you that it’s Okay to be human. So, our “experiment” for today was to Surprise ourselves. Well, I did surprise myself by screaming at my 3-yr old yesterday. I got so mad I just let it all out. He cried and I cried and when it was all over, I apologized and he said “Mommy you were screaming at me”. And I said “I am sorry, I love you. Mommy was mad and needed to let out a yelp”. So, on my call today, I shared this experience with my group and they all thought it was normal. And that they had all done it a bunch of times. So, my question is? Why can’t we behave like this in public? I mean if more people were authentic in public, more people would think it’s okay to express ourselves this way. But since no one really ever expresses themselves like this in public I feel like I’m the only one on the planet that behaves this way. THIS IS NOT TRUE!!! And apparently it’s okay to do this. It makes sence, I mean that we all have the ability to express ourselves and be able to appologize about it. It should be okay to loose it and not be punished for “loosing it”. Maybe this is where I am stuck. The part about being okay to loose it. Every time I’ve “lost it” I’ve been punished. Like the time I “LOST” it when I was 6 months pregnant and my fiance came home at 3am and I asked him where the FUCK he’d been?, and he answers. “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH” and all I know in my heart of hearts is: He’s been hanging out with his ex. Well ladies, we haven’t spoke since, and yes… his son is 3 and he’s never met his father. So, Yes… I was punished. Or NOT? Our lives are WAY better without him. However, this still can’t erase my feelings of being punished.

How many of you have ever felt this way? Or want to share an experience similar to this. I’d love to hear from you.

Comments (105)